Hello, I am 13 years old (yeah, that young), yet am far more mature than most teenagers my age. I have read most of the things on your website, and man...some of them almost brought me onto the edge of tears. For a year or two, I have had pedophiliac thoughts. I read through many medical journals, forum posts, and other things to define it and see if I really did have it; I was in a state of serious denial, and struggled with attempted suicide/suicidal thoughts, cutting, self-mutilation, and cutting myself off from most people that cared about me...
I have learned to accept who I am; I am not a monster, and most people who know me well would know I am a very intellectual, humble person (I am not very compassionate, though...most people find me a bit bitter, but it boosts my self-control); I could never hurt a child, or another human being (unless they hurt me first...); About a year ago, I experimented by poking a stick into a birds nest. A baby bird fell out, with the nest, and I was brought to tears. I do not take life for granted, even though I am often a very morbid person by nature. As Anton LeVay says (the author of the satanic bible): "Death is the great abstinence, Life, the great indulgence, so live your life here and now"; Religion has helped me a bit (I am a traditional satanist, but that is an entirely different matter...it is extremely misunderstood), but I have helped myself. I control my urges, yet do not repress them, for I have found out that repressing them OR obsessing over them only feeds it;
I have been the happiest I have ever been, I love my life, and those I care about...I have rebuilt my morales, values, and things I enjoy to do; I started a band, where I sing and play guitar, and just...enjoy things...
The one thing I do feel sad about sometimes, though, is that I can't find the courage to tell my parents...I know they would still love me, but I can't find the words to just go up and tell them...*sighs*
Anyway, your site has helped quite a bit; Keep up the good work man...it's people like you that will finally change the day and age where everyone will be a bit less ignorant and judgemental...
Peace ~-~
AC
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