>Our adult extreme reactions when a child does manage to have sex with a >teenager or adult creates the trauma. The actual act from the child's >point of view COULD have been mildly pleasant. The more pleasant it was, >the guiltier the child would feel on discovery. >In the interest of reducing trauma on the child, when this does happen, I >suggest telling the child it was no big deal, that they will easily get >over it, that it was not their faultbetter.
the adult should have known
All right, now we're on a useful topic. I'm going to change the thread, even. This line of discussion might produce some useful results.
Forgive me for butting in, but my observations on these points are qualified only from a number of years serving with law-enforcement, the operation of a counselling service relating to 'screw-ups' and involved in therapy for 'victims' after the event.
I've met any number of adults who were 'involved' in sex with adults, ranging from those 'flashed to' through to those who were committed to, of those committing incest. With a very small 'variation' which proved the rule, by far the greater majority were perfectly happy with what had physically happened, providing there was no physical 'force' used - such as being clubbed into doing something against their will.
But without a single exception - not one - EVERYONE was 'abused' by society's handling of their case, producing symptoms from nervousness, bed-wetting, right the way through to mental-breakdown; one poor lady was so badly treated by the medical profession, her subconscious completely suppressed memory of the event(s), leaving her with a complete gap in her life, which has caused her more problems than ever the original occurrence. For some time, all she knew was she hated men in general, but knew of no reason for this. Under pressure, she would literally beat-up the man in her life, causing three divorces and a number of children to wonder what this thing called life was all about!
From my own experiences, when a child was 'taken to the police-station'and interviewed, the rot set in at that moment. The reason why there are the 'screw-ups' is because - owing to the revolting system of legal, medical and welfare involvement the world over - whilst everyone is busting their heads 'doing the best for the child', it is the best by their standards, and not for the child's!
There is only one root cause - just the one - for the screwing up; those involved are made to feel guilty, and - because precious few people understand the functions of the subconscious - the guilt imposed HAS NOWHERE TO GO!
Many, many people become angry when relating the story of how they were abused, it automatically arouses guilt. Having given rise to it, society is like a traffic policeman, in the middle of a road- junction; he sees something coming and hasn't the slightest clue in which direction to send it. He THINKS he knows, which is the common enemy, but until he gets to rock-bottom basics about the nature of the guilt and learns to understand it, sees it for what it is, and has the humility to stop trying to push it where HE wants it to go, and accepts it has to go the way IT wants to go, the problem will always be with us.
The PROBLEM isn't the problem; the problem is what we choose to call a problem, and having created it, how we deal with the problem.
Man continually tries to change the course of the emotion 'to love': it is a balloon of ever-increasing size which he tries to fit into small-shoe box, becoming upset when he finds it keeps popping out in another direction.
I've met very few 'abused' - proper, clear-cut, straight up-and-down abused - people. I've literally met and talked to thousands of people, victims of and abused by the very system which should protect them, or at least display to them the commonest form of humanity.
Society is very good at 'innovation' of new techniques, but once it starts something, no matter how harmful, it is the Devil's own work to get it changed or stopped, although the words 'try to learn any lessons from the incident' are the current buzz-phrase. The lessons are learnt in the school of hard knocks, and it is the people, child and adult alike, who are getting the hard-knocks, not those who lay down the administration and technique of dealing with the abused.
One of the first lessons should be 'you can't be a good doctor unless you've been ill yourself'; applying to the world of abuse, divorce and anything else where human emotion is involved.
For an extremely good example of common-day occurence, read 'Blame', one of Frank McCoy's 'on the mark' stories. Put the salicious details to one side and you have an illustration of the system at work. No doubt many 'sociologists' will erupt into harsh words defending their techniques and attitudes, but EVERYTHING in child-love starts off on the assumption that something is 'wrong', needing to be put right. The law says it is wrong, and our professionals have to have the absolute cold-bowels of Satan to go against the 'system', no matter what the circumstances are.
The very offence is called 'child-ABUSE'; the truth is, child knows nothing about what is 'right' or 'wrong' until some adult hoves-past and tells them. The trouble is 'what is wrong with life can be right with love' and very often is. Until that is generally accepted, we are all wasting our time, clearing up the mess and debris caused by those who don't agree. Or won't agree. Or those who couldn't give a toss unless it happens to them.
Sorry to `lead off alarmin'; I've been fighting and arguing this point for close on thirty-years.
B.R.P.