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The Guardian (UK), Wednesday 27th December. 2nd Section, pages 8-9.

Headline - Getting By With a Little Help

Strapline - Everyone needs a friend to

talk things over with. But for

some youngsters that special

someone is missing. Angela

Neustatter meets volunteers who

fill the gap.

BARRY is clear about how much he values Martin, a middle-aged professional man who befriended him 10 years ago. "He is a very good friend, someone I can confide in man-to-man. We talk about problems and our views on life as well as having jokey times. I think he's made a big difference to my life."

Martin came into Barry's life at a point when his single mother, Gina, was despairing over what to do with her son; by the age of five he was hurting other children, setting things on fire, and was "almost impossible to live with." She suspected he was feeling the lack of a father. She regards it as very lucky chance that she saw a poster for Friends United Network (FUN), a charity which organises befrienders for children having emotional and behavioural problems.

Gina talks of the strong and supportive friendship which has developed between her son and Martin, and how much she feels it has helped not only Barry but also her. "The great thing about Martin is that he is like a friend of the family, not an outsider 'helping' my son because I can't cope.

"Martin offers Barry support, male friendship, a male role-model

things I can't do and there's no other member of the family to do it - and he really takes him seriously.

"How do we judge the value of the friendship ? I suppose by the fact that Barry changed from being a demon into an amenable and clearly much happier child fairly soon after Mar tin started visiting, and he is now no more difficult than anybody else's teenager."

Friends United Network was set up 12 years ago in Islington, North London, to find volunteers willing to befriend children of single parent families between five and 16 years who were seen by social workers, teachers and parents as having significant problems.

The idea, explains co-ordinator Frankie Weinberg, was to find someone who would be a friend specially for the child, able to offer support, affection and if necessary advocacy, and who was willing to commit themself long enough (the minimum is two years) to enable the child to develop trust and feel valued.

newly-published independent evaluation, carried out by a team under Professor Antony Cox at the Unit of Psychiatry and Psychology at Guy's Hospital, demonstrates that the scheme does much to help the children and also their mothers (there were no single fathers surveyed).

At the time that they were referred to FUN, most of the nine girls and 10 boys, now ranging in age from eight to 18 years, were identified as having problems. Fifty per cent of the mothers said their offspring were difficult to manage, and in some cases were showing very marked problems. A quarter had been in some kind of trouble with the police and a slightly higher number had problems at home.

But when the mothers were interviewed for the evaluation after their sons and daughters had been befriended for at least two years, they presented a far more positive picture. Speaking generally, more than half said their children had become easier to manage, and more than three quarters reported a drop in problems at school and less problems with peers.

They spoke of their children being given emotional stability, feeling good because they had a special relationship for themselves, someone to talk to outside the home, and there was general agreement with the mother of a six-year-old who said:

"It's lovely to see my daughter so valued by someone else." The same sort of assessment came from the children and young people themselves. Sixty-three per cent felt the befriender had helped them with their worries, 59 per cent said having a befriender had given them confidence and brought changes for them; simply having fun came up repeatedly.

But no less important is that 95 per cent of befrienders said they enjoyed being with their young person much of the time.

Richard, 29, who befriended Paul, 13, a year ago, talks wryly of having had to be prepared to get through some of the tricky times with Paul after "the honeymoon period." He explains: "A central part has been that we both love football and we adopted QPR as our team to follow. We play competitive games and Paul often wins. Like many children in his position, he has had problems with his self esteem, so I have tried to find activities that he does well at.

"One of the most successful things we do is buying the ingredients for lunch then going home and cooking. Our time together hasn't always been easy. I've certainly enjoyed it and I feel we've both benefited and I see us going on being friends for a long time."

The FUN scheme, where volunteers are vetted and given detailed guidance on how to be friend, is modelled on the American BigBrothers/BigSisters network where more than 70,000 befriending relationships have been set up and where a number of studies have demonstrated the benefits of these.

They are hoping to get funding and develop into a national network, but meanwhile there are just a few schemes which offer friendship, and help schemes for the young relying on volunteers, but with different aims and philosophies.

Support for Children Affected by Drink helps those with their own alcohol problem, but they also befriend those who live in a home where there is a drink problem. Co-ordinator Penny Coleman explains: "We were formed about five years ago as a peer-led project for young people who came from homes where drink was making life very difficult for them. We set out to find reliable adults who understand the problem, to help the youngsters understand that is going on and deal with their own needs in the situation."

Cathy, a volunteer who herself grew up in a drink-problem family, said: "We befriend people on Scad's premises but see them for as long as they want and it's very friendly and informal. They talk about what they want and we are there to listen, to give advice and counselling if it is clear that's what they want. The idea is to give them the feeling there's a friend on their side."

Befriending schemes have grown up as there has been a shrinking in society's support systems - the extended family living close by, with perhaps an older member who could take a child under his or her wing and give that bit of special time, close-knit supportive communities where a kid in trouble will have neighbours and long established family friends to turn to. These schemes rely an the humanity of volunteers. The satisfaction most seem to get is all important; the very many children - a quarter of those living in inner cities