Joan Nestle - Revision history

Jim Burton at 16:10, 1 July 2026

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Prue at 02:30, 1 July 2026

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	==Joan Nestle and childhood sexuality==		==Joan Nestle and childhood sexuality==

	In her 1987 non-fiction book ''A Restricted Country'', Nestle narrates various stories from her life, for which she won the Stonewall Book Award in 1988. Sexual contact and desire involving large age gaps is mentioned in multiple stories, including both unrequited desire, [[Research:_Prevalence_of_Harm_and_Negative_Outcomes\|wanted and unwanted]] experiences. Nestle writes how she had been having oral sex, “making love with my best friend Roz Rabinowitz,” since she was 10-years-old. By age 13, she writes of persistent intergenerational desire directed at older women in her life.		In her 1987 non-fiction book ''A Restricted Country'', Nestle narrates various stories from her life, for which she won the Stonewall Book Award in 1988.<ref>Nestle, [https://annas-archive.gl/md5/d3baf967efaba267e721d81cc9441ca2 ''A Restricted Country''] (1987). [Annas Archive PDF link].</ref> Sexual contact and desire involving large age gaps is mentioned in multiple stories, including both unrequited desire, [[Research:_Prevalence_of_Harm_and_Negative_Outcomes\|wanted and unwanted]] experiences. Nestle writes how she had been having oral sex, “making love with my best friend Roz Rabinowitz,” since she was 10-years-old. By age 13, she writes of persistent intergenerational desire directed at older women in her life.

	In her story “Liberties not Taken,” Nestle describes her childhood in 1953 at the age of 13, staying in a rural area with Mac (“a big man”) and his wife Jean who had 5 children together. Nestle vividly describes her [[Research:_Youth_sexuality\|youthful longings]] for Jean which went unspoken and unconsummated, much to her regret when she discovers that Jean died of cancer only 5 years later...		In her story “Liberties not Taken,” Nestle describes her childhood in 1953 at the age of 13, staying in a rural area with Mac (“a big man”) and his wife Jean who had 5 children together. Nestle vividly describes her [[Research:_Youth_sexuality\|youthful longings]] for Jean which went unspoken and unconsummated, much to her regret when she discovers that Jean died of cancer only 5 years later...

Prue at 02:03, 1 July 2026

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	[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joan_Nestle '''Joan Nestle'''] (born May 12, 1940) is a Lambda Award-winning writer and editor and a founder of the Lesbian Herstory Archives. Cited by feminist civil liberties activist [[Nettie Pollard]] for having written about [[Intergenerational_Lesbianism\|intergenerational lesbianism]], age-gap sex and childhood sexuality, Nestle also consistently advocated against [[censorship]] of dissident views. In her 1980 talk titled “Some Understandings,” Nestle defends the right for gay men to speak about their experience of intergenerational sex, and advocates against scapegoating.		[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joan_Nestle '''Joan Nestle'''] (born May 12, 1940) is a Lambda Award-winning writer and editor and a founder of the Lesbian Herstory Archives. Cited by [[Feminism\|feminist]] civil liberties activist [[Nettie Pollard]] for having written about [[Intergenerational_Lesbianism\|intergenerational lesbianism]], age-gap sex and childhood sexuality, Nestle also consistently advocated against [[censorship]] of dissident views. In her 1980 talk titled “Some Understandings,” Nestle defends the right for gay men to speak about their experience of intergenerational sex, and advocates against scapegoating.

	As a lesbian who came to erotic awareness in the 1950s and into young adulthood in the 1960s, Joan defended the lesbian activism and sexual culture of the 1950s against charges that it was reactionary, rather than a product of its time. Based on her experience living through periods where lesbianism was considered a sickness / mental illness, an aberration and highly stigmatized, she advocated for solidarity with other sexual minorities and against censorship and lesbian co-operation with the carceral State.		As a lesbian who came to erotic awareness in the 1950s and into young adulthood in the 1960s, Joan defended the lesbian activism and sexual culture of the 1950s against charges that it was reactionary, rather than a product of its time. Based on her experience living through periods where lesbianism was considered a sickness / mental illness, an aberration and highly stigmatized, she advocated for solidarity with other sexual minorities and against censorship and lesbian co-operation with the carceral State.
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	</blockquote>		</blockquote>

	In the chapter “My history with censorship,” she discusses living through McCarthyism and later, the feminist sex wars and anti-~~pormography~~ feminism. During this time, Nestle became associated with the "pro-sex" or "sex positive" wing of feminist thought. She argued that, in the 1950s, "Any dissension became a heroic act."		In the chapter “My history with censorship,” she discusses living through McCarthyism and later, the feminist sex wars and anti-pornography [[Feminism\|feminism]]. During this time, Nestle became associated with the "pro-sex" or "sex positive" wing of feminist thought. She argued that, in the 1950s, "Any dissension became a heroic act."
	<blockquote>		<blockquote>
	''If you spoke the wrong words or supported the wrong people, you were labeled un-American. You were sent into national, and in many cases private, exile. I watched people in their forties and fifties shrink from their children, withdraw into long, slow deaths. I heard read over the radio the names of those who were to be called in front of the Committee, before the Committee even reached a city. Long enough in advance for employers to fire the accused, long enough to give neighbors time to ostracize the marked family, long enough to give the stigmatized individuals time to take their lives. None of this was done by legal power. It was done by the power of orthodoxy, of one prevailing view of how to make the country safe. It was not trial by jury in a court of law: it was conviction by innuendo, by association, by labeling.''		''If you spoke the wrong words or supported the wrong people, you were labeled un-American. You were sent into national, and in many cases private, exile. I watched people in their forties and fifties shrink from their children, withdraw into long, slow deaths. I heard read over the radio the names of those who were to be called in front of the Committee, before the Committee even reached a city. Long enough in advance for employers to fire the accused, long enough to give neighbors time to ostracize the marked family, long enough to give the stigmatized individuals time to take their lives. None of this was done by legal power. It was done by the power of orthodoxy, of one prevailing view of how to make the country safe. It was not trial by jury in a court of law: it was conviction by innuendo, by association, by labeling.''

Prue at 02:02, 1 July 2026

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	''I longed for Jean’s lips. But because I did not tell her clearly that it was my yearning, my choice, my passion that wanted her, a 13-year-old knowledge that was deep and fine, she and I did nothing, and Mac kissed me and fucked her. [...] My whole body was tuned for another sound. I knew she would come, and I wanted to show her I recognized my difference. I will bide my time until she touches me. I want her hands on me, her tongue in my mouth. I want to hold her head against me and throw my legs around her. [...] You heard their voices, not mine, because I was a girl-woman and it was a dangerous thing to touch me, and yet I had been touched so many times before by men who did not pause to think of innocence. Your touch would have healed me.''		''I longed for Jean’s lips. But because I did not tell her clearly that it was my yearning, my choice, my passion that wanted her, a 13-year-old knowledge that was deep and fine, she and I did nothing, and Mac kissed me and fucked her. [...] My whole body was tuned for another sound. I knew she would come, and I wanted to show her I recognized my difference. I will bide my time until she touches me. I want her hands on me, her tongue in my mouth. I want to hold her head against me and throw my legs around her. [...] You heard their voices, not mine, because I was a girl-woman and it was a dangerous thing to touch me, and yet I had been touched so many times before by men who did not pause to think of innocence. Your touch would have healed me.''
	</blockquote><ref>''~~Ibid~~''.</ref>		</blockquote><ref>All quotes on this page can be found in Joan Nestle, ''A Restricted Country'' (1987). Various editions are available.</ref>

	Again in 1953 at age 13, Nestle describes her attraction to an older woman named Susan Bender.		Again in 1953 at age 13, Nestle describes her attraction to an older woman named Susan Bender.

Prue at 02:00, 1 July 2026

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	</blockquote>		</blockquote>

	When speaking at the famous Barnard Conference of 1982 (where [[Gayle Rubin]] was also a speaker), Nestle faced backlash from anti-porn feminists. She described this as the "second McCarthy period in my life."		When speaking at the [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/1982_Barnard_Conference_on_Sexuality famous Barnard Conference of 1982] (where [[Gayle Rubin]] was also a speaker), Nestle faced backlash from anti-porn feminists. She described this as the "second McCarthy period in my life."
	<blockquote>		<blockquote>
	''Women called the organizers of conferences where I was speaking and told them I was a “sexual deviant,” labeling me a dangerous person who betrays the feminist cause. A member of Women Against Pornography, who saw it as her duty to warn a group of students and professors about me, visited the place where I earn my living, Queens College. “Don’t you know she is a lesbian?” “Don’t you know she practices S&M?” “Don’t you know she engages in unequal, patriarchal power sex?” (Butch and femme is what she meant here, I think.) I was called to the Women’s Center on campus and asked by a group of women students gathered there whether the accusations were correct. Only those who remember the cadence of those McCarthy words — “Are you now, or have you ever been...” — can know the rage that grew in me at that moment. These young women, so earnest in their feminism, were so set up for this sad moment. “I cannot answer you,” I said, “because to do so would bring back a world I have worked my whole life to see never come again.”''		''Women called the organizers of conferences where I was speaking and told them I was a “sexual deviant,” labeling me a dangerous person who betrays the feminist cause. A member of Women Against Pornography, who saw it as her duty to warn a group of students and professors about me, visited the place where I earn my living, Queens College. “Don’t you know she is a lesbian?” “Don’t you know she practices S&M?” “Don’t you know she engages in unequal, patriarchal power sex?” (Butch and femme is what she meant here, I think.) I was called to the Women’s Center on campus and asked by a group of women students gathered there whether the accusations were correct. Only those who remember the cadence of those McCarthy words — “Are you now, or have you ever been...” — can know the rage that grew in me at that moment. These young women, so earnest in their feminism, were so set up for this sad moment. “I cannot answer you,” I said, “because to do so would bring back a world I have worked my whole life to see never come again.”''

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Joan Nestle and childhood sexuality

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	<blockquote>		<blockquote>
	''Susan attracted me. I thought she was butchy and I sensed a strong body under her unattractive clothes. I was looking for this secret strength even then. I remember one afternoon trying to seduce her in her bedroom, and somehow handcuffs were part of the game. I soon realized, however, that even though Susan looked the part, she was slow to follow my lead.''		''Susan attracted me. I thought she was butchy and I sensed a strong body under her unattractive clothes. I was looking for this secret strength even then. I remember one afternoon trying to seduce her in her bedroom, and somehow handcuffs were part of the game. I soon realized, however, that even though Susan looked the part, she was slow to follow my lead.''
			</blockquote>

			Joan writes extensively about her mother Regina, who was born in 1910. Regina lived a difficult, poverty-stricken life working as a bookkeeper in New York while also occasionally selling sex. She was heterosexual and did not accept her daughter Joan’s lesbian sexuality until close to her death. In “My mother liked to fuck” and “Two Women: Regina Nestle, 1910–1978, and Her Daughter, Joan, 1940-”, Nestle reckoned with her mother’s extensive, active and difficult sex life. This involved much casual and paid sex after the death of Regina's husband who had died when she was 29 years old, leaving two unborn children behind. Upon death, Regina had no money or possessions, but left Joan a series of letters and scrawled notes which gave her frank and innermost thoughts on events in her life, including her childhood, sexual experiences good and bad, and her children and work life. Joan quotes these evocative writings, which include Regina’s own recognition of her childhood sexual feelings:
			<blockquote>
			''I remember as a little girl, the impatience with my own youth. I recognized that I was someone, someone to be reckoned with. I sensed the sexual order of life. I felt its pull. I wanted to be quickly and passionately involved. God, so young and yet so old. I recognized my youth only in the physical sense, as when I exposed my own body to my own vision, saw the beautiful breasts, the flat stomach, the sturdy limbs, the eyes that hid sadness, needed love—a hell of a lot of grit and already acknowledging this to be one hell of a life. I was going to find the key. I knew the hunger but I did not know how to appease it.''
	</blockquote>		</blockquote>

Prue: /* Joan Nestle and childhood sexuality */

2026-07-01T01:53:35Z

Joan Nestle and childhood sexuality

← Older revision		Revision as of 01:53, 1 July 2026
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	==Joan Nestle and childhood sexuality==		==Joan Nestle and childhood sexuality==

	In her 1987 non-fiction book ''A Restricted Country'', Nestle narrates various stories from her life, ~~as well as speeches~~ she ~~gave at feminist conferences~~ in ~~later years~~. Sexual contact and desire involving large age gaps is mentioned in multiple stories, including both unrequited desire, [[Research:_Prevalence_of_Harm_and_Negative_Outcomes\|wanted and unwanted]] experiences. Nestle writes how she had been having oral sex, “making love with my best friend Roz Rabinowitz,” since she was 10-years-old. By age 13, she writes of persistent intergenerational desire directed at older women in her life.		In her 1987 non-fiction book ''A Restricted Country'', Nestle narrates various stories from her life, for which she won the Stonewall Book Award in 1988. Sexual contact and desire involving large age gaps is mentioned in multiple stories, including both unrequited desire, [[Research:_Prevalence_of_Harm_and_Negative_Outcomes\|wanted and unwanted]] experiences. Nestle writes how she had been having oral sex, “making love with my best friend Roz Rabinowitz,” since she was 10-years-old. By age 13, she writes of persistent intergenerational desire directed at older women in her life.

	In her story “Liberties not Taken,” Nestle describes her childhood in 1953 at the age of 13, staying in a rural area with Mac (“a big man”) and his wife Jean who had 5 children together. Nestle vividly describes her [[Research:_Youth_sexuality\|youthful longings]] for Jean which went unspoken and unconsummated, much to her regret when she discovers that Jean died of cancer only 5 years later...		In her story “Liberties not Taken,” Nestle describes her childhood in 1953 at the age of 13, staying in a rural area with Mac (“a big man”) and his wife Jean who had 5 children together. Nestle vividly describes her [[Research:_Youth_sexuality\|youthful longings]] for Jean which went unspoken and unconsummated, much to her regret when she discovers that Jean died of cancer only 5 years later...

Prue at 01:51, 1 July 2026

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	==References==		==References==

			[[Category:Official Encyclopedia]][[Category:People]][[Category:Gay]][[Category:People: American]][[Category:People: Critical Analysts]][[Category:Censorship]][[Category:History & Events: Personal Scandals]][[Category:History & Events: American]][[Category:History & Events: 1950s]][[Category:History & Events: 1960s]][[Category:History & Events: 1970s]][[Category:History & Events: 1980s]]

Prue: /* Joan Nestle and childhood sexuality */

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Joan Nestle and childhood sexuality

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	==Joan Nestle and childhood sexuality==		==Joan Nestle and childhood sexuality==

	In her 1987 non-fiction book "A Restricted Country," Nestle narrates various stories from her life, as well as speeches she gave at feminist conferences in later years. Sexual contact and desire involving large age gaps is mentioned in multiple stories, including both unrequited desire, [[Research:_Prevalence_of_Harm_and_Negative_Outcomes\|wanted and unwanted]] experiences. Nestle writes how she had been having oral sex, “making love with my best friend Roz Rabinowitz,” since she was 10-years-old. By age 13, she writes of persistent intergenerational desire directed at older women in her life.		In her 1987 non-fiction book ''A Restricted Country'', Nestle narrates various stories from her life, as well as speeches she gave at feminist conferences in later years. Sexual contact and desire involving large age gaps is mentioned in multiple stories, including both unrequited desire, [[Research:_Prevalence_of_Harm_and_Negative_Outcomes\|wanted and unwanted]] experiences. Nestle writes how she had been having oral sex, “making love with my best friend Roz Rabinowitz,” since she was 10-years-old. By age 13, she writes of persistent intergenerational desire directed at older women in her life.

	In her story “Liberties not Taken,” Nestle describes her childhood in 1953 at the age of 13, staying in a rural area with Mac (“a big man”) and his wife Jean who had 5 children together. Nestle vividly describes her [[Research:_Youth_sexuality\|youthful longings]] for Jean which went unspoken and unconsummated, much to her regret when she discovers that Jean died of cancer only 5 years later...		In her story “Liberties not Taken,” Nestle describes her childhood in 1953 at the age of 13, staying in a rural area with Mac (“a big man”) and his wife Jean who had 5 children together. Nestle vividly describes her [[Research:_Youth_sexuality\|youthful longings]] for Jean which went unspoken and unconsummated, much to her regret when she discovers that Jean died of cancer only 5 years later...

Prue at 01:48, 1 July 2026

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	[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joan_Nestle '''Joan Nestle'''] (born May 12, 1940) is a Lambda Award-winning writer and editor and a founder of the Lesbian Herstory Archives. Cited by feminist civil liberties activist [[Nettie Pollard]] for having written about [[Intergenerational_Lesbianism\|intergenerational lesbianism]], age-gap sex and childhood sexuality, Nestle also consistently advocated against [[censorship]] of dissident views. In her 1980 talk titled “Some Understandings,” Nestle defends the right for gay men to speak about their experience of ~~[[Accounts_and_Testimonies\|~~intergenerational sex]], and advocates against scapegoating.		[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joan_Nestle '''Joan Nestle'''] (born May 12, 1940) is a Lambda Award-winning writer and editor and a founder of the Lesbian Herstory Archives. Cited by feminist civil liberties activist [[Nettie Pollard]] for having written about [[Intergenerational_Lesbianism\|intergenerational lesbianism]], age-gap sex and childhood sexuality, Nestle also consistently advocated against [[censorship]] of dissident views. In her 1980 talk titled “Some Understandings,” Nestle defends the right for gay men to speak about their experience of intergenerational sex, and advocates against scapegoating.

	As a lesbian who came to erotic awareness in the 1950s and into young adulthood in the 1960s, Joan defended the lesbian activism and sexual culture of the 1950s against charges that it was reactionary, rather than a product of its time. Based on her experience living through periods where lesbianism was considered a sickness / mental illness, an aberration and highly stigmatized, she advocated for solidarity with other sexual minorities and against censorship and lesbian co-operation with the carceral State.		As a lesbian who came to erotic awareness in the 1950s and into young adulthood in the 1960s, Joan defended the lesbian activism and sexual culture of the 1950s against charges that it was reactionary, rather than a product of its time. Based on her experience living through periods where lesbianism was considered a sickness / mental illness, an aberration and highly stigmatized, she advocated for solidarity with other sexual minorities and against censorship and lesbian co-operation with the carceral State.

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	[~~https~~:~~//en.wikipedia.org/wiki/~~Joan_Nestle '''Joan Nestle'''] (born May 12, 1940) is a Lambda Award-winning writer and editor and a founder of the Lesbian Herstory Archives. Cited by [[Feminism\|feminist]] civil liberties activist [[Nettie Pollard]] for having written about [[Intergenerational_Lesbianism\|intergenerational lesbianism]], age-gap sex and childhood sexuality, Nestle also consistently advocated against [[censorship]] of dissident views. In her 1980 talk titled “Some Understandings,” Nestle defends the right for gay men to speak about their experience of intergenerational sex, and advocates against scapegoating.		__NOTOC__[[wikipedia:Joan_Nestle\|'''Joan Nestle''']] (born May 12, 1940) is a Lambda Award-winning writer and editor and a founder of the Lesbian Herstory Archives. Cited by [[Feminism\|feminist]] civil liberties activist [[Nettie Pollard]] for having written about [[Intergenerational_Lesbianism\|intergenerational lesbianism]], age-gap sex and childhood sexuality, Nestle also consistently advocated against [[censorship]] of dissident views. In her 1980 talk titled “Some Understandings,” Nestle defends the right for gay men to speak about their experience of intergenerational sex, and advocates against scapegoating.

	As a lesbian who came to erotic awareness in the 1950s and into young adulthood in the 1960s, Joan defended the lesbian activism and sexual culture of the 1950s against charges that it was reactionary, rather than a product of its time. Based on her experience living through periods where lesbianism was considered a sickness / mental illness, an aberration and highly stigmatized, she advocated for solidarity with other sexual minorities and against censorship and lesbian co-operation with the carceral State.		As a lesbian who came to erotic awareness in the 1950s and into young adulthood in the 1960s, Joan defended the lesbian activism and sexual culture of the 1950s against charges that it was reactionary, rather than a product of its time. Based on her experience living through periods where lesbianism was considered a sickness / mental illness, an aberration and highly stigmatized, she advocated for solidarity with other sexual minorities and against censorship and lesbian co-operation with the carceral State.

	Nestle was part of the [~~https~~:~~//en.wikipedia.org/wiki/~~Butch_and_femme#Mid-_to_late_20th_century butch and femme bar culture] of New York City since the late 1950s. In an interview with ''Ripe Magazine'', she recalled that the center of her social life as a young lesbian was a bar called the Sea Colony, which was run by organized crime and, in an attempt to avoid raids by the vice squad, allowed only one woman into the bathroom at a time.		Nestle was part of the [[wikipedia:Butch_and_femme\|Mid-_to_late_20th_century butch and femme bar culture]] of New York City since the late 1950s. In an interview with ''Ripe Magazine'', she recalled that the center of her social life as a young lesbian was a bar called the Sea Colony, which was run by organized crime and, in an attempt to avoid raids by the vice squad, allowed only one woman into the bathroom at a time.

	After the Stonewall riots in 1969, gay liberation became a focus of her activism. She joined the Lesbian Liberation Committee in 1971 and helped found the Gay Academic Union (GAU) in 1972. Nestle began writing fiction in 1978, when a prolonged illness prevented her from teaching for a year. Her erotica focusing on butch and femme relationships made her a controversial figure during the [~~https~~:~~//en.wikipedia.org/wiki/~~Feminist_sex_wars feminist sex wars] of the 1980s; members of Women Against Pornography called for censorship of her stories. Her life was the subject of a 2002 documentary by Joyce Warshow entitled ''Hand on the Pulse'', and she appears in the 1994 documentary about lesbian history ''Not Just Passing Through''.		After the Stonewall riots in 1969, gay liberation became a focus of her activism. She joined the Lesbian Liberation Committee in 1971 and helped found the Gay Academic Union (GAU) in 1972. Nestle began writing fiction in 1978, when a prolonged illness prevented her from teaching for a year. Her erotica focusing on butch and femme relationships made her a controversial figure during the [[wikipedia:Feminist_sex_wars\|feminist sex wars]] of the 1980s; members of Women Against Pornography called for censorship of her stories. Her life was the subject of a 2002 documentary by Joyce Warshow entitled ''Hand on the Pulse'', and she appears in the 1994 documentary about lesbian history ''Not Just Passing Through''.

	==Joan Nestle and childhood sexuality==		==Joan Nestle and childhood sexuality==
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	In her story “Liberties not Taken,” Nestle describes her childhood in 1953 at the age of 13, staying in a rural area with Mac (“a big man”) and his wife Jean who had 5 children together. Nestle vividly describes her [[Research:_Youth_sexuality\|youthful longings]] for Jean which went unspoken and unconsummated, much to her regret when she discovers that Jean died of cancer only 5 years later...		In her story “Liberties not Taken,” Nestle describes her childhood in 1953 at the age of 13, staying in a rural area with Mac (“a big man”) and his wife Jean who had 5 children together. Nestle vividly describes her [[Research:_Youth_sexuality\|youthful longings]] for Jean which went unspoken and unconsummated, much to her regret when she discovers that Jean died of cancer only 5 years later...
	<blockquote>		<blockquote>
	''I didn’t call myself gay yet. For three years [i.e. at 10 years old – Newgon] I had been making love to my best friend Roz Rabinowitz with my mouth, and I knew the word lesbian, but I was terrified of its implications and could not say it. [...]''		''I didn’t call myself gay yet. For three years [i.e. at 10 years old – Newgon] I had been making love to my best friend Roz Rabinowitz with my mouth, and I knew the word lesbian, but I was terrified of its implications and could not say it.'' [...]

	''With Jean it was different; I was not afraid of being anything she was— except Mac’s wife. We spent the long weekday nights playing cards with the older women who shared a cabin down the road. Every night before we went to bed she asked me to massage her back. I would straddle her, marveling at her body that was her ally, the muscles lying lean on her bones. I longed to slip my hands around her, to catch her small pointed breasts in my hands, to extend the travel of my fingers down the small of her back to her buttocks, to slip gently into her, and to give her all the pleasure there was in my thirteen-year-old imagination to give. I wanted to lie beside her, hoping that she would wrap her long legs around me and carry me with her in her leaps for freedom. I never had the courage to do these things. I just whispered “I love you,” as she stretched under my hands. [...]''		''With Jean it was different; I was not afraid of being anything she was— except Mac’s wife. We spent the long weekday nights playing cards with the older women who shared a cabin down the road. Every night before we went to bed she asked me to massage her back. I would straddle her, marveling at her body that was her ally, the muscles lying lean on her bones. I longed to slip my hands around her, to catch her small pointed breasts in my hands, to extend the travel of my fingers down the small of her back to her buttocks, to slip gently into her, and to give her all the pleasure there was in my thirteen-year-old imagination to give. I wanted to lie beside her, hoping that she would wrap her long legs around me and carry me with her in her leaps for freedom. I never had the courage to do these things. I just whispered “I love you,” as she stretched under my hands.'' [...]

	''I longed for Jean’s lips. But because I did not tell her clearly that it was my yearning, my choice, my passion that wanted her, a 13-year-old knowledge that was deep and fine, she and I did nothing, and Mac kissed me and fucked her. [...] My whole body was tuned for another sound. I knew she would come, and I wanted to show her I recognized my difference. I will bide my time until she touches me. I want her hands on me, her tongue in my mouth. I want to hold her head against me and throw my legs around her. [...] You heard their voices, not mine, because I was a girl-woman and it was a dangerous thing to touch me, and yet I had been touched so many times before by men who did not pause to think of innocence. Your touch would have healed me.''		''I longed for Jean’s lips. But because I did not tell her clearly that it was my yearning, my choice, my passion that wanted her, a 13-year-old knowledge that was deep and fine, she and I did nothing, and Mac kissed me and fucked her. ''[...]'' My whole body was tuned for another sound. I knew she would come, and I wanted to show her I recognized my difference. I will bide my time until she touches me. I want her hands on me, her tongue in my mouth. I want to hold her head against me and throw my legs around her. ''[...]'' You heard their voices, not mine, because I was a girl-woman and it was a dangerous thing to touch me, and yet I had been touched so many times before by men who did not pause to think of innocence. Your touch would have healed me.''<ref>All quotes on this page can be found in Joan Nestle, ''A Restricted Country'' (1987). Various editions are available.</ref>
	~~</blockquote>~~<ref>All quotes on this page can be found in Joan Nestle, ''A Restricted Country'' (1987). Various editions are available.</ref>		</blockquote>

	Again in 1953 at age 13, Nestle describes her attraction to an older woman named Susan Bender.		Again in 1953 at age 13, Nestle describes her attraction to an older woman named Susan Bender.
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	</blockquote>		</blockquote>

	When speaking at the [~~https~~:~~//en.wikipedia.org/wiki/~~1982_Barnard_Conference_on_Sexuality famous Barnard Conference of 1982] (where [[Gayle Rubin]] was also a speaker), Nestle faced backlash from anti-porn feminists. She described this as the "second McCarthy period in my life."		When speaking at the [[wikipedia:1982_Barnard_Conference_on_Sexuality\|famous Barnard Conference of 1982]] (where [[Gayle Rubin]] was also a speaker), Nestle faced backlash from anti-porn feminists. She described this as the "second McCarthy period in my life."
	<blockquote>		<blockquote>
	''Women called the organizers of conferences where I was speaking and told them I was a “sexual deviant,” labeling me a dangerous person who betrays the feminist cause. A member of Women Against Pornography, who saw it as her duty to warn a group of students and professors about me, visited the place where I earn my living, Queens College. “Don’t you know she is a lesbian?” “Don’t you know she practices S&M?” “Don’t you know she engages in unequal, patriarchal power sex?” (Butch and femme is what she meant here, I think.) I was called to the Women’s Center on campus and asked by a group of women students gathered there whether the accusations were correct. Only those who remember the cadence of those McCarthy words — “Are you now, or have you ever been...” — can know the rage that grew in me at that moment. These young women, so earnest in their feminism, were so set up for this sad moment. “I cannot answer you,” I said, “because to do so would bring back a world I have worked my whole life to see never come again.”''		''Women called the organizers of conferences where I was speaking and told them I was a “sexual deviant,” labeling me a dangerous person who betrays the feminist cause. A member of Women Against Pornography, who saw it as her duty to warn a group of students and professors about me, visited the place where I earn my living, Queens College. “Don’t you know she is a lesbian?” “Don’t you know she practices S&M?” “Don’t you know she engages in unequal, patriarchal power sex?” (Butch and femme is what she meant here, I think.) I was called to the Women’s Center on campus and asked by a group of women students gathered there whether the accusations were correct. Only those who remember the cadence of those McCarthy words — “Are you now, or have you ever been...” — can know the rage that grew in me at that moment. These young women, so earnest in their feminism, were so set up for this sad moment. “I cannot answer you,” I said, “because to do so would bring back a world I have worked my whole life to see never come again.”''