In fact, love and moral considerations sometimes demand a positive answer to the question of whether to have sex or not, and this is completely overlooked by public opinion and penal law. A boy may be deeply hurt and frustrated if the adult refuses to respond to his sexual needs. (de Brethmas 1980, p. 27) The feelings of the child after such a refusal may be especially strong because it is often the first sexual proposal the child is making in his life.
Of course, the right of sexual self-determination of the adult allows him to reject a sexual proposal of the child, causing in this way negative feelings. In this case the child has to live with his feelings. On the other hand, it seems not serious to use any small possibility of negative feelings of the child as an argument against pedophilia, but to require a rejection of any sexual proposal of the child.
Regis was a shy, reticent boy, unsure of his growing body. One night he entered the cabin where Kameneff was already in bed, To Kameneff's surprise, Regis was naked. The boy pointed to a fervent erection and said "He has come to wish you good-night". Confused, disconcerted, Kameneff didn't recognize this as a perfect moment to help and instead sent the boy off with a joke. The boy was deeply humilated and never again showed signs of coming out of his shell. (Kameneff 1979, p 31, cited by Brongersma 1990, p.259
In his autobiography Flannelled Fool, T.C. Worsley tells of his refusal to initiate sex with his 13-year-old pupil David, who was much in love with him, even when it was clear that the boy had gone out of his way to create a perfect opportunity. Society would have commended Worsley for his moral courage, but he himself "recognised it as an act of moral cowardice. It was a defeat for knowledge, and knowledge, not innocence, is waht the young want and need. (Worsley 1967, 178-181, cited by Brongersma 1990, p.258
In Article <114327Z02041995@anon.penet.fi> an225037@anon.penet.fi writes:
[...] I did experience a rejection of my sexual advances as a child. The rejection was by a teacher I believed then and now that I loved, and was phrased in such a casual and off hand manner as to cause maximum distress. It felt that my feelings were trivial and of no consequence, and my self esteem was badly dammaged.
Stupidly, as it could have put me in real danger, I promptly spent the next weekend at a local arcade, in an attempt to pick up a man who would find me attractive. (I had assumed this was possible from reading newspaper reports).
Thankfully I had a supportive family, who realised I was sad and unhappy (although never why). If it was not for them, I am not sure what I would have done, but I did seriously consider killing myself.
Much of what I have read in this news group relys on references to text books, which for many people are never going to be available, mostly due to publication restrictions in our own countries. That is why I think it important to support arguments with experience, both positive and negative. I do not know what would have happend if my attemps had not been rejected, but I can testify to the negative effects of that rejection.
"My fiancee had a brother some years younger than herself. I met him freuquently. He grew strongly attached to me. (...) You will understand my dismay, how disturbed I was, when I realised one night, during an intimate talk, that this boy didn't just desire my friendship but also my love. (...) Alexis was no longer a child; he was a very beautiful and self-confident boy, and what he gradually confessed threw me into complete confusion. (...) I was greatly frightened. I spoke with him severely, harshly even, and much worse, with exaggerated contempt for what I called effiminacy but which was really nothing more than the natural expression of his tenderness. (...) I was so brutal that it had a tragic outcome for the poor boy - yes, he was still only a boy. For three days he tried to pacify my rage, or what he saw as such, by redoubling his kindness. I, however, only increased my coldness to him, and so ... You didn't know that Alexis B. committed suicide?" (Gide 1925, p. 27, cited by Brongersma 1990, p.258)