Essay:The Many Faces of Love - Monogamy and Chronophilic Attraction

by Summerdays

If we understand the term 'chronophilic attraction' to refer to a sexual attraction towards individuals within a specific age range, then the question is inevitably raised: What does a person with this attraction do when their partner grows out of that age range? This question is frequently aimed at the minor-attracted community in an attempt to discredit adult attraction to minors as a form of immature and abusive love - with the assumption that an individual with this attraction will, if allowed, jump from partner to partner, dumping each one as soon as s/he grows out of the older person's attraction range.

Frankly, I think this is a vain and insulting assumption. What about a regular teleiophile attraction to adults? [A teleiophile is an individual who has a romantic preference for people in the same general age group.] Does a person with a standard attraction become sexually interested in senior citizens when his partner reaches that age? Or does he still cast glances at the 20-year-old beauties he spots in a crowd? I expect we are all wired to respond to certain physical types, and for most people (or perhaps most males), this probably includes some measure of youth (more or less, depending), and that doesn't simply cease once we've found a mate.

Yet, a committed relationship doesn't fall apart based on this fact alone. There are many different aspects to an interpersonal relationship. Mating is about more than just a physical attraction. It's an emotional bond as well; it's a promise, and it's a friendship. And, I think there is some truth to the concept that your physical attraction to a person can change based on how you feel about them emotionally. I don't think anyone stops being attracted to young, fresh partners - however, their interest in pursuing them may wane depending on what they have and what they need in life. And how much the wife objects!

Just because your lover will some day grow old and wither, and not be physically attractive in the same way that she once was, doesn't mean you'll fall out of love with her. And it doesn't mean that forming a lasting bond with her is not a good idea. This is no different for a man who thinks 8-year-olds are the pinnacle of beauty, than it is for one who thinks the same thing about 18-year-olds, or 28-year-olds, or even 68-year-olds. Should we judge a man's civility by the nature of his aesthetic sense, and then condemn the love his heart expresses?

But whether one strives for longevity is a decision each individual or couple must make for themselves. If, on the other hand, someone chooses not to pursue long-term commitments, that doesn't make him less kind or moral, so long as he's not intentionally leading people on only to unexpectedly drop them off - which would be a behavioral problem independent of the nature of a person's attraction. Love is no less meaningful when it is fleeting. And there is no reason to judge a relationship harshly only because it doesn't conform to the standard protocol. Love does not need to end in marriage, a house in the suburbs, and raising a family in order for it to be an enriching experience, and a worthwhile investment of time and feeling for all concerned.