Testimony: Adult Male with Minor Female

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Man-Girl | Man-Boy | Woman-Minor Minor-initiated | Among minors Nonphysical childhood sexuality Adult attraction to minors
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• kimxxxyyy (YouTube) at 12 with her adult male partner.

  "I never once thought anything wrong or bad, or that I was doing anything wrong or bad [...] We had a normal relationship...I saw nothing wrong with it, and I still see nothing wrong with it".

• Why Should I Feel Guilty If I Liked It? by Rachel in All About Sex, 1998.

  A woman in her twenties tells of a sexual relationship she had with an adult male neighbor from the age of six for at least six years. She writes, “Why should I feel guilty about the wonderful relationship I had with that man … right up until his death?”

• When Fairy Lost her Virginity by "Fairy" in HFP Testimonies, November 2005.

  The sex this 18-year-old had with a college freshman when she was twelve was not a positive experience, but she says it could have been and should have been, had she been taught better. "Someone should have told me, my family should have not ignored the possibility of me having sex. I realized that they did not care enough to ever prepare me for … the most important aspect of life."

• Once against — now supporting by "C". in HFP Mailbag, April 2005.

  An 18-year-old writes about being raped as a child, as well as her consensual relationship with a 19-year-old when she was twelve: "I was in complete agreement with all that went on in that relationship, and I was not at all manipulated."

• Rage of Consent by Heather Corinna in Soapbox Girls, July 2001.
  • Sex activist Heather Corinna talks about the adult lovers she had when she was a teenager, including a 23-year-old man when she was 15. "...this was also by far the most wonderful and intimate relationship of my teen years. He was more respectful of my sexual boundaries than all of my same-age peers. He held me in higher esteem, and treated me with more respect, care and love than others my age. That may be because he was older, that may be because he was who he was — there really is no telling."
  • A 16-year-old girl talks about her adult lovers. "When I have been with adults, I’ve always felt much more comfortable. … I felt less inhibited when I was with a man in his twenties.”
  • A young woman talks about her year-long relationship with 25-year-old man when she was 16. “I look back at it with fondness. I still understand very well why I fell in love and lust with him."
  • A grown woman talks about the adult lovers from her teenage years, including a 35-year-old man when she was 17. "They helped to expand my intellectual horizons, teach me more advanced social interactions and give me a different perspective on things from the point of view of a different generation."
• Hannah

  Prepubescent sex play becomes full intercourse with an adult. "[I]t was June, about a week after my seventh birthday [...] I'd been wandering around the different paths, maybe a little too far out into the fields, imagining I was exploring somewhere, when I suddenly came across a man lying down in the grass. At first I thought he must be hurt or something, but at the same time couldn't have not noticed he had his erect cock out. [...] I was really pleased with myself for having 'found' him, and when he asked If I'd like to meet again the next day to learn more I was over the moon. Well that meeting happened, and many more followed. His name was David and he was always very gentle and kind to me, and in the course of the next few weeks I was happily trying out all kinds of sex with him. [...] There are also very many women that I've talked to where they weren't discovered, and almost universally they have good feelings (or at the very worst, ambivalence) about the experience. There was a girl who joined my junior school when I was ten who had been in a relationship with a neighbour since she was 8 and at the time told me it was the most special and wonderful thing in her life. I hope no-one has found out and persuaded her otherwise since. There were two girls when I was about twelve that became great friends when we discovered we all had lovers who were in their thirties. One had been having sex as long as she could remember, the other for only about 3 months, but none of us were ever discovered and we all went on to be popular, go university, got decent jobs, and two of us have families, without any apparent psychological or physical trauma from the experience."

• Gonnie

  Mother of 8y/o girl involved with an adult man. Audio account - please wait for it to load, and fastforward to 22:50. The daughter showed no problems until her older partner ended their relationship for his girlfriend, which emphasized the wrongness (infidelity) of it to her and caused a lot of guilt.

• Germaine Greer in "Seduction is a four-letter word"

  "From the child´s point of view and from the commonsense point of view, there is an enormous difference between intercourse with a willing little girl and the forcible penetration of the small vagina of a terrified child. One woman I know enjoyed sex with an uncle all through her childhood, and never realized that anything was unusual until she went away to school. What disturbed her then was not what her uncle had done but the attitude of her teachers and the school psychiatrist. They assumed that she must have been traumatized and disgusted and therefore in need of very special help. In order to capitulate their expectations, she began to fake symptoms that she did not feel, until at length she began to feel truely guilty about not having been guilty. She ended up judging herself very harshly for this innate lechery."

• Floyd Martinson in his book "Infant and Child Sexuality"

  Martinson quotes another's experience: "There was only one bed in our hotel room, a double one which I shared with my father that night. As it turned out, my father came back very late that night, after drinking quite heavily. I had never seen him drunk before. He got ready for bed and warned me before he got in that he was used to sleeping with mother and that he hoped he would not bother me. He started to make love to me, not knowing what he was doing. I did, however, but liked the sensation and I let it continue for awhile--it seemed like hours, but it was only a matter of minutes. One way that it affected me was to cause me to wish again to have the same sensations I had that night which led me to masturbation."

• Tran Thi Truc Diem

  A 10 year old Vietnamese girl, on contacts with Paul 'Gary Glitter' Gadd. "I liked Uncle Gary at first," said Diem, "but now that my mother has told me that what he did was very wrong I hate him. I thought he was just playing when he touched me but my mother said he should never have done that." "He started tickling me all around my body. He was doing it for a little while and then Aunt Oanh came in and saw him. "My mother has told me it was very, very bad so now I hate Uncle Gary. I don't want to see him ever again".

• Girl (15) and Leo Poncelet

  "Society might find it distasteful -- even morally reprehensible -- but a 40-year-old cowboy's sexual relationship with a 15-year-old girl was not criminal, a B.C. Supreme Court judge has ruled. In written reasons released earlier this month, Justice Daphne Smith acquitted Leo Poncelet of sexual exploitation charges, saying the man did not hold a position of authority or trust over the teen, even though he was her riding coach the summer the two became romantically and sexually involved. Smith said the emotional attachment between the two was mutual and the sex consensual, the result of a bond that formed between the two over the course of months."

• Girls ?? & 14 with accused adult male

  "One of the victims, a 14-year-old girl, told police that she, Lyle and a friend were in a bedroom at the residence. Lyle told the friend that if he had sex with him, he would give her a pack of cigarettes. The girl said she would only do it if the 14 year-old would too. The victim said she had sex with Lyle first and then her friend did. She said it was consensual and they were drinking that night. The victim also said she didn't want to pursue criminal charges. The second victim told police the same story but added that she was drunk that night and felt hung over the next day."

• Little Girls and Sex: A Glimpse at the World of the "Baby Pro" by J.A. Inciardi

  Various child prostitutes are studied in a hearing before the U.S. Senate:

  • 11 year-old Julie: "A hand job takes less than two minutes. The old fart is usually already hard when I go in there, and it isn't long before they shoot their load. Twenty bucks for a two-minute "local" [masturbating a male client] isn't a bad deal."
  • 10 year-old Laura: "Giving head isn't the most fun thing I ever did, but it was never scary either. Someone was always there to see that nothing went wrong and so that nobody would hurt me, and then I'd get some nice presents or get taken out somewhere so it was worth it. Now I'm used to it and the spending money is real nice."
  • 8 year-old Chris: "Her primary activity has been oral sex, which she says she enjoys."
• Loving Boys, Volume One
  • "In the archives of the Brongersma Foundation there is one tape recording made by a man during intimate play between himself and a twelve-year-old, and a second, recorded later, with an eight-year-old girl-friend. It is evident that the children enjoy this play very much; one can hear how they insist on more advanced sexual activities and implore the man to insert his penis, which he refuses to do." (p. 58)
  • "A fourteen-year-old French girl wrote in her diary in 1978, after having slept with a 47-year-old man, 'This was the most marvellous day of my life, the most beautiful Christmas gift. Everything I did was deliberate, and everything that happened was at my initiative.' Unfortunately the girl's parents, after reading these pages, succeeded in having the man who gave their daughter this wonderful experience sent to prison. The feelings of the child were of no importance." (p. 58)
• Sexologist Joan A. Nelson in Children and Sex, on her relationship with an adult cousin at 8 years of age

  Nelson's relationship marked "the happiest period of [her] life." "When I was a child I experienced an ongoing incestuous relationship that seemed to me to be caring and beneficial in nature. There were love and healthy self-actualization in what I perceived to be a safe environment. Suddenly one day I discerned from playground talk at school that what I was doing might be "bad". Fearing that I might, indeed, be a "bad" person, I went to my mother for reassurance. The ensuing traumatic incidents of that day inaugurated a 30-year period of psychological and emotional dysfunction that reduced family communication to mere utilitarian process and established severe limits on my subsequent developmental journey."

  Full citation: Nelson, J. A. (1982). "The impact of incest: Factors in self-evaluation," in L. L. Constantine & F. M. Martinson (Eds.), Children and Sex: New Findings, New Perspectives. Boston: Little, Brown & Co. Quoted in PAN 11, p. 31, and here and here

• Two accounts from the research of Frits Bernard, as quoted in Paedophilia: The Radical Case[1]
  • "Perhaps you cannot imagine this but when I was 12 I was very much in love with a man of 50 and he with me. I don't know who made the first move but we stroked each other and experienced sexuality together. It relaxed me wonderfully. One day my parents found out and the police were called in. The examination was terrible; I denied it and denied it again. Then I gave in. My older friend was arrested. My parents, after my forced confession, made out a formal complaint. Nothing could be of help any more. I have never been able to forget this. It wasn't just. It could have been such a beautiful memory. I am married and have four children. I would not object to their having sexual contacts with adults. I regard it as positive." (This account was presented at the International Conference on Love and Attraction, and is reprinted in Love and attraction: an international conference, p. 501.)
  • "I had an experience with an adult man when I was hardly twelve years old but the circumstances were not such that I look back on them with horror. On the contrary, I have very fine memories of the first, though rather bizarre, acquaintance with sex, and what happened eight years ago has had no bad consequences. I have no trauma about it and have become neither oversexed nor frigid. All that happened was that I learned, at a very early age, how a man and girl can satisfy each other, and obtained practical sexual instruction by means of which I did not have to learn from a book what a naked man looks like, how he gets an erection, ejaculation, masturbation, and so on. In the circumstances that surrounded my case there was no question of rape. He was a darling, and as we say, "opportunity made the thief" and I instinctively made use of my art of seduction (although, naturally, I did not understand this until afterwards) which is decidedly a challenging attitude demonstrated by us women at an early age, especially when at that age, you spot that a man looks at you as though you were no longer a child. [...] I look back on it now as an odd but fine first experience; in fact I liked it so much that, when I went home, I asked if I could come and "play Eva" (as he called it) again. [...] It certainly has done me no harm."

• Leahy, Terry (1994). "Taking up a Position: Discourses of Femininity and Adolescence in the Context of Man/Girl Relationships," Gender & Society, 8(1), 48-72.

  "This article is based on a small-scale interview study (N = 19) of the experiences of girls who were or had been in sexual relationships with adults. It is confined to relationships that were considered by the young parties to have been voluntary and, in general, positive. [...] The interviewees wanted to make their positive experiences of such relationships public in view of the widespread opinion that all such events are harmful to the younger parties involved. The interviews were taped and transcribed. [...]

  Wendy met Paul when she was 12 years old. He was in his mid-20s. [...]

  From her account there is little doubt that Paul was in love with Wendy and showed this affection by his emotional support and understanding of her emotional needs at the time. A statement that stands as a summary of their relationship is the following:

  He was just really ... he was much more sensitive than most people I've known. He's much more concerned. He just had ... the cup runneth over with love and affection. He was really attentive all the time and that sort of attention I've not had from, really from anybody. Just the depth of sensitivity and asking me how I felt about things all the time. [...]

  Wendy's account fits this theme; she claims that Paul and his friends encouraged her to see herself as capable of undertaking university study and that this had a major impact on her life. [...]

  Wendy and Paul's sexual relationship did not include penetration but was confined to tongue kissing and petting. [...] In her account, Wendy describes Paul's behavior in these terms:

  I mean he did want to. He wanted to be sexual, he wanted to be physically close and I felt that. I remember rubbing against him when he had a hard on and things like that but most of the time it felt like he just wanted to be really close and warm. ... We used to cuddle a lot and kiss and things. It got vaguely sexual for a while. Tongue kissing ... a great wet beard. He was really really really gentle. More gentle than I think anyone else I've ever known as far as that goes. He was obviously being really careful. [...]

  At one point she comments on the feeling of protection she felt when Paul carried her in his arms. [...]

  Whereas conservative romantic texts require that the male leads and the female follows, Wendy suggests that she prized and insisted on an equality of authority in relationship. She did not hesitate to oppose Paul.

  [...]

  Bobbie, the last interviewee in this set of narratives, was introduced to her uncle when she was 11. [...] Bobbie has no doubts about her uncle's genuine fondness for her, and indicates a concern for her on his part which is consonant with the model of romance offered by conservative romantic texts:

  It was so caring and considerate, I s'pose, which most adult sexual relations aren't because there's more of an equal, supposedly there's more of an equal power base so you don't ... I've never found that sort of catering for again but I treasure having been, not nurtured, but having been cared for that much and eased into it slowly and all those sorts of things. [...]

  The experiences I had with an uncle whom I liked a lot and with whom I had a very important intellectual relationship were really important in terms of the development of my sexuality, like in terms of educating me basically."

• Hilde Dillen, a Belgian writer

  In the May-June 1997 issue of Zizo, a magazine for gay and bisexual men and women, Mark Sargeant published an article entitled ‘Ik rouw van jou - Jeugdschrijfster Hilde Dillen’. A few quotes from Hilde Dillen: 'At first I had intended to write about a very beautiful love relationship I used to have with a man who was 17 years older when I was a child of 13-14. But I think one should not be too revealing about such things, because it won't do you any good and it won't do your book any good either.' 'There's a lot of personal stuff in this work, based on my own life as a child and as a developing adult. Because of the relationship I experienced some situations in which I was dissected and rejected, at school, in your immediate environment... I think it is good for parents to realise that 12- to 13-year-old teenagers - who are supposed to be neither children nor adults - can sometimes be very intensively involved in erotic relations.'