Testimony: Experiences of chronophilias

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Man-Girl | Man-Boy | Woman-Minor Minor-initiated | Among minors Nonphysical childhood sexuality Adult attraction to minors
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You may learn a lot about hebephilia and pedophilia as an experience by simply taking part in the minor attracted community. Indeed, this topic, within its wider political context was a research subject in 2017 for Mikkel Rask Pedersen's Master's Thesis. For a period during the 2010s, Virtuous Pedophiles such as Gary Gibson, Todd Nickerson and the (now reformed) Virped, Ed Chambers were particularly forthcoming about their daily lives as non-offending MAPs, but later examples have been hard to come by, despite the undeniable growth of the online community.

We list some of our own examples here.

• Katie Cruz - 2019 Blog post and What is a healthy relationship with a girl? - A MAP In Love

  "Or when the Bruno Mars song “Just the Way You Are,” comes on, she grabs your hand and leads you to a recliner and says, “I wanna sit on your lap.” So you sit down, and she hops up and grabs your arms and pulls them around her. She wants love and affection, and out of everyone in the room, she feels safest with you. She leans back and lets you rest your head on her shoulder, next to her cheek. Then she turns and gives you a kiss on the cheek. True story. How is that not romantic? How do you not fall in love with that?" [...] "It’s one that no matter what, when she’s older, she never looks back with any sort of contempt. It’s a lifelong friendship, even if that’s all that it ever is or becomes. It’s always putting her well-being above my own. It’s filled with lots of hugs, cuddles, affection. It’s mentoring and nurturing her to be successful, and a wonderful person. It’s growing with her, even though she’s not always going to be the little girl I fell in love with. But no matter what, she’ll still be my love."

• The erotic bond between a Mother and her Child

  "Still, it seems mothers do something equally silencing in the day-to-day way we do not speak of our erotic feelings toward those most desirable of objects, our children. We say our kids are cute, of course, or beautiful or remarkable, and we endlessly detail their behaviors and idiosyncrasies, but rarely do we acknowledge the erotic component of our own feelings in these observations of them. I say "rarely" because just today, when I was trying to explain the topic of this essay to a friend with a six-month-old daughter, she said simply, "It's the most erotic thing I've ever felt. You know it's no joke about pretending to eat her right up. I really do want to. It's just uncontainable, this desire. But what can I do? I can't have sex with her. Although nursing takes care of that." That's right, I thought. The physical intimacy of early infancy does mediate those drives in the parent, does "take care of" the uncontainable desire in a way that can't occur at the Oedipal stage."

• Enderphile

  Blurb: This is my most personal post to date. I feel very comfortable analyzing things from a rational, logical, factual point of view and then putting them down into written word. Writing about my feelings, however, is a completely different topic. I hope this post gives a different perspective of what it’s like growing up and living one’s life as a pedophile.

• Norbert de Jonge (backup)

  A Girllover, Activist and Politician shares his thoughts

• David Sedaris

  A Gay author appears to have forgotten how attractive early-teen boys can be: "I started swimming, and so I started seeing people in their bathing suits. And I'm amazed now. The older I get I'm amazed. I'll see like a 14 year old... and I don't mean that I see them in a sexual way but you look at them and...it's like seeing like an antelope or something. And just their bodies at that age...there's something just magnificent. Like if I were going to send some bodies into space, like to show other creatures what we're capable of, I'd probably take a couple of 14 year olds."

• Kadaj, "Dear FBI" on BoyChat

"FUCK YOU! I am still technically a child and was even more of one when I realized what I was and the implications of it. In your attempts to "protect" children you (and varies other bullshit organizations) have most likely ruined the lives ruined that lives of many children (who if you remember you are trying to protect). I did not choose to be what I am and I resent the idea that ANYONE would (there are some pretty stupid people out their but deciding to be a BL is beyond my comprehension).

(Un?)fortunately my instinct for survival is too strong for me to rationally consider offing myself but how many do you think do??

Because you make the idea of a life unthinkable or worse through your encouragement of biased and often baseless propaganda make them believe they are some kind of soulless monster even when they know, as I do, that they could NEVER hurt a child.

Because of your (and others) encouragement this world has become a place where if we were all to have a physically identifying feature I have no doubt a genocide would ensue. (Congrats Hitler 2.0)

You create a world were we are unable to even talk about our problems for fear of reprisal even if we haven't done anything wrong.

You (and the others) have ruined at the very least one of the lives of the children you strive to "protect".

Why does my unchosen and (at least still now) unwanted attraction make me any less human or deserving of a peaceful existance than anyone else?

I am a Boylover. Hath not a Boylover eyes? Hath not a Boylover hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions? Fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer, as a Hetro or Homosexual is?

If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh?

If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge?

If we are like you in the rest, we shall resemble you in that."

• BL.net member:

"I was arrested in the early '80s for sexual behavior and had a choice of prison or probation with a treatment program (so much for voluntary participation). So I participated in the program run by Dr Judith Becker and Dr. Gene Abel at the Sexual Behavior Institute for nearly a year - six modules consisting of 6 weekly sessions with breaks for testing with the plethysmograph. They theorize that fantasies must be eliminated to control the behavior, and use aversive therapy methods to do so. I was open minded then about willingness to change my sexual orientation and participated sincerely but, of course, discovered that sexual orientation is deeply rooted in a person's being and not subject to behavioral modification. All this program did was exacerbate cognitive dissonance and create a great deal discomfort with myself, deflating self-esteem. Not a great therapeutic outcome, I think. Thank goodness for existence of NAMBLA so that i was able to avoid the self-hating trap that many pedophiles fall into."

See Ethicaltreatment.org for similar testimonies from youth.